JOHN
NEWTON’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY WRITTEN IN THE FORM OF LETTERS TO A FRIEND.
Service to
Encouragement
in the Christian Life
Two Trials
- Mary’s sickness and waiting for a ship
Settled in
West
Riding,
Preparing
for ministry
LETTER XIV
DEAR SIR,
Encouragement
in the Christian Life
By the
directions I had received from my friend at St. Kitts, I soon found out a
religious acquaintance in
Two
Trials - Mary’s sickness and waiting for a ship
The
country between
When
faith was in exercise, I was in some measure resigned to the Lord's will; but
too often my heart rebelled, and I found it hard either to trust or to submit.
I had likewise some care about my future settlement. The African trade was
overdone that year, and my friends did not care to fit out another ship till
mine returned. I was some time in suspense, but, indeed, a provision of food
and raiment has seldom been a cause of great solicitude to me. I found it
easier to trust the Lord in this point than in the former, and accordingly this
was first answered. In August I received an account that I was nominated to the
office of ---. These places are usually obtained, or at least sought, by dint
of much interest and application, but this came to me unsought and unexpected.
I knew, indeed, my good friend in L--- had endeavoured to procure another post
for me, but found it pre-engaged. I found afterwards that the place I had
missed would have been very unsuitable for me, and that this, which I had no
thought of, was the very thing I could have wished for, affording me much
leisure, and the liberty of living in my own way. Several circumstances,
unnoticed by others, concurred to show me that the good hand of the Lord was as
remarkably concerned in this event, as in any other leading turn of my life.
But
when I gained this point, my distress in the other was doubled. I was obliged
to leave Mrs. N- in the greatest extremity of pain and illness, when the
physicians could do no more, and I had no ground of hope that I should see her
again alive but this - that nothing is impossible with the Lord. I had a severe
conflict, but faith prevailed: I found the promise remarkably fulfilled, of
strength proportioned to my need. The day before I set out, and not till then,
the burden was entirely taken from my mind. I was strengthened to resign both
her and myself to the Lord's disposal, and departed from her in a cheerful
frame. Soon after I was gone she began to amend, and recovered so fast, that in
about two months I had the pleasure to meet her at Stone, on her journey to L-.
Settled
in
And
now, I think, I have answered, if not exceeded, your desire. Since October,
1755, we have been comfortably settled here, and all my circumstances have been
as remarkably smooth and uniform as they were various in former years. My
trials have been light and few - not but that I still find, in the experience
of every day, the necessity of a life of faith. My principal trial is "the
body of sin and death," which makes me often to sigh out, "O,
wretched man!" but I likewise can say, I thank God through Jesus Christ my
Lord. (Romans vii. 24,25.)
I
live in a barren land, where the knowledge and power of the gospel is very low,
yet here are a few of the Lord's people; and this wilderness has been a useful
school to me, where I have studied more leisurely the truths I gathered up in London.
I brought down with me a considerable stock of notional truth, but I have since
found that there is no effectual teacher but God, that we can receive no
farther than He is pleased to communicate, and that no knowledge is truly
useful to me but what is made my own by experience. Many things I thought I had
learned would not stand in an hour of temptation, till I had in this way
learned them over again.
West
Riding,
Since
the year 1757 I have had an increasing acquaintance in the West Riding of
Yorkshire, where the gospel flourishes greatly. This has been a good school to
me. I have conversed at large among all parties, without joining any; and in my
attempts to hit the "golden mean" I have sometimes been drawn too
near the different extremes, yet the Lord has enabled me to profit by my
mistakes. In brief, I am still a learner, and the Lord still condescends to
teach me. I begin at length to see that I have attained but very little; but I
trust in Him to carryon His own work in my soul, and, by all the dispensations
of His grace and providence, to increase my knowledge of Him and of myself.
Preparing
for ministry
When
I was fixed in a house, and found my business would afford me much leisure
time, I considered in what manner I should improve it. I devoted my life to the
prosecution of spiritual knowledge, and resolved to pursue nothing but in
subservience to this main design. This resolution divorced me, as I have
already hinted, from the classics and mathematics. My first attempt was to
learn so much Greek as would enable me to understand the New Testament and
Septuagint, and when I had made some progress this way, I entered upon Hebrew
the following year, and two years afterwards, having surmised some advantages
from the Syriac version, I began with that language.
You
must not think that I have attained, or ever aimed at, a critical skill in any
of these: I had no business with them but as in reference to something else. I
never read one classic author in Greek, I thought it too late in life to take
such a round in this language, as I had done in Latin. I only wanted the
signification of Scriptural words and phrases, and for this I thought I might
avail myself of Scapula, the Synopsis, and others who had sustained the
drudgery before me. In Hebrew I can read the historical books and Psalms with
tolerable ease, but in the prophetical and difficult parts I am frequently
obliged to have recourse. to lexicons, etc. However, I know so much as to be
able, with such helps ~s are at hand, to judge. for myself. the meaning of any
passage I have occasion to consult. Beyond this I do not think of proceeding if
I can find better employment, for I would rather be some way useful to others,
than die with the reputation of an eminent linguist.
Together
with these studies, I have kept up a course of reading of the best writers in
divinity that have come to my hand in the Latin and English tongue, and some
French, for I picked up French at times while I was on the sea. But within
these two or three years I have accustomed myself chiefly to writing, and have
not found time to read many books besides the Scriptures.
I am
the more particular in this account as my case has been somewhat singular, for
in all my literary attempts I have been obliged to strike out my own path, by
the light I could acquire from books, as I have not had a teacher or assistant
since I was ten years of age.
One
word concerning my views to the ministry, and I have done. I have told you that
this was my dear mother's hope concerning me; but her death, and the scenes of
life in which I afterwards engaged, seemed to cut off the probability. The
first desires of this sort in my own mind arose many years ago from a reflection
on Galatians i. 23, 24. I could not but wish for such a public opportunity to
testify the riches of divine grace. I thought I was a fit person to proclaim
that faithful saying, "that Jesus Christ came into the world to save
sinners"; and as my life had been full of remarkable turns, and I seemed
selected to show what the Lord could do, I was in some hopes that perhaps
sooner or later He might call me into this service.
I
believe it was a distant hope of this that determined me to study the original
Scriptures, but it remained an imperfect desire in my own breast till it was
recommended to me by some Christian friends. I started at the thought when
first seriously proposed to me, but afterwards set apart some weeks to consider
the case, to consult my friends, and to entreat the Lord's direction. The
judgment of my friends, and many things that occurred, tended to encourage me.
I am
not so hasty to push myself forward as I was formerly. It is sufficient that He
knows how to dispose of me, and that He both can and will do what is best. To
Him I commend myself. I trust that His will and my true interests are
inseparable. To His name be glory for ever.
Thus
I conclude my story, and presume you will acknowledge I have been particular
enough. I have room for no more, but to repeat that
I am,
Sir,
Yours.
A. S.
BOUSE, 15 AND 16,